You would think I would be for things like spanx, control top panties and control top hosiery

You would think I would be for things like spanx, control top panties and control top hosiery. Undergarments that promise to conceal the fact that for the last 280 days, I have been carrying an entire human being in my belly. But no. As a matter of fact, I consider these overly functional 'undergarments' to be the total ruin of beautiful lingerie.

Do you honestly know of any one woman who feels sexy in a heavy poly-nylon-spandex knit sausage casing? I certainly don't. And why, why, why if these things have to exist, do the majority of the styles available come only in an awful 'nude' tone? Why would they call that terrible shade of yellowish-tan-brown, 'nude'? I move to rename that ghastly colour 'jaundice'; far more accurate, don't you think? And really, who would waste the beauty of a gorgeous lace bra and knickers when they know they'll be topping them off in a stretchy body bandage? Stockings and garters make even less sense when beneath them you're wearing a pair of panties too large and unsexy for even Grannie to appreciate.

And furthermore, have you ever put one of these 'undergarments' on? I have; just to see if they deliver the promise of 'concealing' my 'flaws'...they don't!! Rather than having a few dimples on my bottom, I've suddenly got tummy flab running over the top of my high-waisted drawers and angry thigh-flesh desperately trying to escape the shorts' angry grip! Right: that's much better looking than a teensy bit of cellulite.

I say 'to hell!' with these medieval torture devices! Let's make a solemn pact to keep our under-things pretty; to dress our bodies with love, rather than hate. And for those of us who really would like to enhance our natural shape, there is always - you guessed it! - the corset

Do feel free to send me your comments and thoughts @ ms.sabrina.grey@gmail.com